


The first seconds of forever

by SunshineChildx



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hair Brushing, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pre & Post Timeskip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22911451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineChildx/pseuds/SunshineChildx
Summary: “What am I to you, Edie?” Dorothea asks. Edelgard swears she remembers how her lips curve saying these words.“The light of my life,” she smiles, the air leaving her lips softly brushing against Dorothea’s. There’s no hesitation there, no doubt.She has the loveliest lips, Edelgard thinks as she leans forward, feeling the rush of delight even before brushing them together, the thrill of capturing Dorothea’s mouth with her own, of kissing her, feeling her close.Or,Dorothea asks the same question to Edelgard over the years and each time she receives a different answer, their love blooming slowly in the midst of the war.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg
Comments: 12
Kudos: 148





	The first seconds of forever

Edelgard can’t ignore a request from the professor.

If it had been any other professor, they would have known better than tasking Edelgard with carrying books across the monastery. Not that she would mind to help them – she was bound to be the future Emperor of Adrestia, but here at Garreg Mach she was little more than another student –, but none of the other teachers ever gave her small chores like that, there was always another friendlier student around they could talk to.

Byleth was different, Edelgard had noticed this fairly quick. She didn’t mind walking up to her and talking about the most important things with that stern look of hers. It’s endearing, really, that she’s so distant and yet she’s always surrounded by her beloved students. Edelgard admires her. Maybe for her undeniable skills on the battlefield, maybe because she had saved her life once; or perhaps simply because when Byleth looks at her, she doesn’t see the future Emperor – she only sees Edelgard. And that’s comforting, in a way.

That’s why, when the professor had asked her to carry some books across the monastery, she hadn’t found it in her heart to refuse.

Edelgard is standing in front of Dorothea’s door, the smell of the new flowers in bloom reaches her all the way from the greenhouse.

She’s knocked on the door once with no answer. It’s not that the books are heavy – Edelgard is used to wield far heavier weapons with little effort – but there are other activities that would be a better use of her time. _Maybe she isn’t here_ , Edelgard thinks. If that’s the case, she should simply leave the books inside and call it a day.

Edelgard opens the door with her free hand, taking one step inside the room.

“Dorothea, the professor insisted that I brought you these – Oh.”

The words die on her lips. She finds Dorothea sitting on the edge of her bed. Next to her, a young nobleman Edelgard doesn’t recall ever seeing before. Both of them focus their attention on her, still standing by the doorframe and books in hand. Dorothea tilts her head.

“Edie?” She says. Edelgard wouldn’t know if she sounds unsettled or simply surprised.

Her casual smile already in place, brown hair long and swirling down her spine, but the moment she meets Edelgard’s eyes, her cheerful expression fades. Edelgard averts her gaze, embarrassed.

“My apologies,” she says, looking everywhere but in Dorothea’s direction. “It seems that you have matters to attend to. I will come back another time.”

She sees Dorothea shaking her head from the corner of her eyes.

“No, it’s okay,” her sweet voice sunny as ever. “This gentleman was just leaving, was he not?”

Dorothea turns to the young nobleman. He’s fairly taller than Dorothea, curls of blonde hair fall down his forehead meticulously. Edelgard can’t miss the faint blush on his cheeks. He nods twice, mumbling a rushed “excuse me” before bolting out of the room.

“So? What is it you needed to tell me, Edie?”

Dorothea tilts her head, focusing all her attention on Edelgard now. She can’t say she hates it, but the feeling of awkwardness is stronger this time. Edelgard is not one to lament her actions, but she certainly would’ve preferred not walking into Dorothea having a moment with one of her dates. She stills herself anyway, she always does.

“Oh, that,” Edelgard mouths as if she just remembered. “The professor wanted me to give you these.”

Dorothea’s eyes finally focus on something other than Edelgard, noticing the heavy books she’s carrying. One look is enough to recognize them. Her face lights up like a star.

“My, thank you! I had been looking for new spells for a while, now,” she says, taking the books from Edelgard’s hands, barely brushing them, and finds a place for them on her desk. “It was very kind of you to carry them all the way here.”

“No problem at all,” Edelgard says as she shifts her weight from one leg to the other.

Dorothea narrows her eyes, feeling something off. “Everything all right, Edie?”

“Yes. Forgive me, I–” Edelgard’s eyes fly to the wooden door purposely closed behind them, and then back to her. It’s brief, barely a split second, but Dorothea catches on.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she frowns, small creases making its way between her brows. “And you should stop it right there.”

“Pardon?” Edelgard says, her naïve tone sounds more faked than she thinks it does.

“You know, you might be the future emperor of the Adrestian Empire, but you’re as readable as a book,” Dorothea catches Edelgard off-guard. “You do have something to say, don’t you? About the nobleman I was with.”

“I wish nothing further from intruding in your affairs, Dorothea,” Edelgard says, lips parted in surprise by the audacity of her words. She isn’t usually talked to with such boldness.

“Oh, but your eyes don’t lie, Edie,” Dorothea tells her, a sigh leaving her lips right after. “Look, I know what I’m doing. My acclaim as a diva won't last forever, so I must prepare for the future.”

Edelgard nods. It’s only fair. “I understand. However, I fail to see how this will assure you’ll have a happy life.”

She isn’t one to get involved in other people’s personal lives, but Edelgard can’t deny she can’t find happiness behind her friend’s eyes. She’s seen her wandering the monastery countless of times, noblemen wrapped around her arm and big, perfect grins dancing on her lips. Edelgard has lived enough to recognize a perfectly carved smile from a genuine one.

“It’s not about a happy life, this isn’t an opera,” Dorothea replies sadly, withdrawing into herself. She shrugs. “It’s about any life at all.”

“How do you mean?” Edelgard asks, feeling in the tips of her fingers the building electricity of a storm that’s about to crack.

“I am no noblewoman, Edie,” Dorothea replies. Her voice doesn’t sound as steady as she would’ve liked. “I wasn’t born in a big castle, fed with a silver spoon, having on the palm of my hand everything I could’ve wished for.”

It’s a sad statement, something as simple as that. Still, her words bleed in a way Edelgard can’t quite grasp. Maybe it’s because she’s always been a princess, but she can’t picture herself taking Dorothea’s decisions in her life.

“I can see that, yet you made it to the Officers’ Academy,” Edelgard actually sighs, her heart unfolding. _You’re better than this, you’re so much more._ “You can achieve many things from here.”

“Come on, Edie,” Dorothea attempts a laugh, a hollow sound that fills the space between them, but nothing of it is accusatory. “As if anyone would trust a commoner with a valuable place in their court.”

“It is certainly true that the nobility system is outdated,” Edelgard nods. She’ll give her that, like she owes her at least this much. “Still, there’s simply so much you can do, you mustn’t prioritize finding a wealthy husband over all you can accomplish on your own.”

“Those words sound dreamy, but it’s little more than that, and you know it. It’s hard not to think of this as my only option,” Dorothea shrugs, voice raw, stained with all the things she’s been deprived of. “Status, wealth, lands to my name. I fantasize about a life where my biggest struggle is what to dine the next day, unaware of the daily struggles of common folk.”

Edelgard isn’t one to bite back. She’s better at pretending and waiting behind a mask for the right time to strike back. Still, she’ll always tip the balance in justice’s favor, and Dorothea doesn’t have the most accurate image of how nobility works. She thinks of all her past struggles and her chains. It’s never been as easy as Dorothea says.

“I understand your hatred for the nobility; I myself believe many nobles raised with such luxuries are utterly useless,” she says, glancing back at Dorothea. “But you talk as if owning a noble title meant nothing but joy and accommodations; you are dismissing the overwhelming responsibility and hardships one must face as well.”

“Then sign me up for such hardships and responsibilities,” Dorothea raises her arms, her expression hardening into something deep, and fierce, and hurt. “I’m sure it’s nothing compared to the hell that it is living in the streets of Enbarr.”

Despite everything, Edelgard sees cracks in her gaze. Her emerald irises glow crystalline under the dim light. _This isn’t a new conversation for her_ , Edelgard understands.

“What?” She whispers, troubled. Her stomach drops horribly.

The question hangs heavily above them.

“You didn’t know that part of the story, did you?” Dorothea finally replies, brown hair falling down her shoulders and not quite masking the sadness of her smile. “Seems like the Adrestian Princess doesn’t listen to rumors, after all.”

“Rumors are meaningless. All that matters is the truth,” Edelgard shakes her head, her heart beats in the tips of her fingers. “Please Dorothea, speak clearly.”

“I lost my mother to an illness when I was far too young to understand what would become of me,” Dorothea says, rebelling against the part of her that urges to keep her throat shut, her fierce instinct to keep all of it to herself, keep everything restrained and safe. But Edelgard’s eyes are focused on her, and the truth spills out of her like a waterfall. “I raised myself on the streets of the capital, begging for crumbs of food, showering in fountains at night, sleeping in the back alleys of Enbarr; singing was my only way of getting through the day. And eventually, the one thing that gave me a chance at a better life.”

It isn’t the first time Dorothea talks about her past; but every time she does, the painful memories flood back to her, suffocating, drowning. Edelgard notices, she wants to comfort her even though most of the time she doesn’t know how to comfort herself. They’re too young to have suffered this much. In a way, she understands.

“I’m so sorry, Dorothea,” Edelgard breathes out, attempting to place a hand on her shoulder. “I had no idea.”

The tears come warm and sudden, consequently as always, and Dorothea can’t find it in herself to fight them.

“Don’t, Edie,” she manages. She moves away, hurt written all over her face like a scar that hasn’t healed.

“I didn’t intend to bring up painful memories, I – ” Edelgard’s eyes widen, breath falling short. She’s wouldn’t call herself good at consoling, but at least she owes her to try. Her hand hangs in the air between them, waiting.

“Just, stop it,” Dorothea demands, bluntly.

“What am I doing wrong?” Edelgard asks, only cracking further. If it were anyone else, Edelgard would have taken her leave long ago. But, for some reason, she felt that she needed to make things right with Dorothea. It unnerves her not knowing how to properly proceed.

“Stop pretending to emphasize with me,” She feels Dorothea’s gaze upon her, fingers clenching into fists at her sides. “I know nobles like you; I’ve seen a thousand times that same look of pity upon your face. I don’t need your compassion.”

“Dorothea, you’re being unreasonable,” Edelgard finally snaps, annoyed that her friend is treating her this unjustly. “I never said –”

“Tell me, what do you really think of me?” She suddenly asks, and Edelgard freezes. “I must be just a silly girl with no thoughts in her head except for marrying a wealthy noble, yes?”

“That couldn’t be further from the truth,” Edelgard insists when she steps up to her, irises flashing. “While I do not share your passion for matters of the heart, I’m perfectly capable of acknowledging your worth on the battlefield, regardless of your common birth.”

“Is fighting all you consider in this life?” Dorothea appears dismissive in Edelgard’s eyes, frustration building up inside her, like they were talking in two different languages. “All you ever see?”

“It is not,” Edelgard admits. Dorothea catches the way she swallows hard, like she’s doesn’t want her to be aware of her struggle within. Edelgard has secrets she must keep, but she can’t help but feel the imminence of war in everything she does. Even attempting a friendship with Dorothea sounds meaningless when she thinks what she’s about to unleash. Still, she keeps talking. “But if a war were to happen, I have no doubt any reasonable person would recognize your worth.”

“ _If a war were to happen_ , you say?” Dorothea mimics her words, raising her eyebrows and wandering why Edelgard’s mind goes to such dark places when they aren’t already in the most idyllic situation. “You have any idea who would ultimately pay the consequences of such war? The poor, the powerless, the orphans.”

“Dorothea – ” Edelgard starts, stops, barely containing her exasperation. Why can’t she understand she means well?

“No, Edie. You come here and judge me for attempting to secure a better future for me because you have no idea how it feels,” Dorothea stumbles on her own words, troubled, like she’s turning herself apart word by word. The tears pooling on the corners of her eyes mock her attempt at being strong. “You don’t know what it’s like to be holding on to the hope of someone giving you enough coins to buy your first meal of the day. That is the future that awaits me if I don’t – “

“That’s quite enough, Dorothea,” Edelgard says, cupping her friend’s face in her hands in a reflex motion. Her heart throbs inside her chest, but Edelgard manages to soften her voice just for her. “Calm down. Please.”

Dorothea opens her mouth to speak again. She thinks of a thousand things to reply, of the tightness in her chest, of Edelgard’s fingers curling on both sides of her face. Before she can attempt to say anything, Edelgard cuts her off.

“This is clearly a sensitive topic for you. I should not have said anything in the matter. Please, forgive me,” Edelgard says, slowly releasing her. “You’re right. I ignore the extent of the struggles you went through in your childhood, I only know the noble’s life that’s been granted to me. But I do not wish for this issue to simply be like that. If you’ll have me, I think I would grow from hearing your perspective on the matter. I aim to be an Emperor who changes things for the better; I firmly believe every person should be granted the same chances in life, regardless of their birth status. So please, forgive my insensitivity.”

The words slowly leave her lips and, when she’s done, silence fills the space in between. For a few seconds, there’s nothing beyond their hearts beating, their low breaths, the time swirling past them. An intense moment of nothing.

They’re the two faces of the same coin, that’s what Dorothea understands later. One born having it all, yet fighting alone to eradicate her own privileges. The other born with nothing, yet longing to fit in like the rest.

“No, Edie,” Dorothea finally shatters the silence, letting out all the oxygen in her lungs like she’s breaking free. “I forced this situation to happen. I guess I’m a little burnt out after all those dates with noblemen. I’m sorry. I would love to help you understand commoners more.”

“I’m grateful,” Edelgard says, faltering. “If I may ask… Is it true, then? You came to the monastery to find a good suitor for you?”

“Yes. My motives are way less admirable than yours, that’s for sure,” she releases in a single breath, dragging the words. “But you have to understand my beauty will eventually fade, and my fame as a diva won’t last forever. I fear if I don’t find someone to take care of me now, I will eventually return to living in the back alleys of some city, old and alone.”

Dorothea’s expression shifts to something simpler. Far from the mask of anger she wore before, Edelgard finds now a subtle sort of surrender, like someone who’s given up to that one and only choice in life. Edelgard can’t stand the sadness in her gaze.

“I see, but I don’t believe that’s true,” she shakes her head vigorously. _That’s not right. Take my eyes and see yourself through them, see the world on the palm of your hand._ “You are so much more than a spectacle to be admired, more than just a face and a voice, Dorothea. I sincerely hope you know that.”

Dorothea smiles and it’s sweet, leaving all the anger and confusion between them in the past. Edelgard stares, waits, wonders if she’s said too much. Then, Dorothea’s words leave her lips with ease.

“What am I to you, Edie?” She asks naively, curiosity sitting on her lips.

“To me? Hmm…” Edelgard hadn’t thought about this before. She wonders what she should say, considering no one at the monastery knows her true motives, they don’t know what lurks behind her shadows. Though, if she allows herself a moment of selfishness, deep in her heart she wishes they’d followed her when the inevitable war comes. She can’t tell her that, but if there’s a word that can describe what she feels, her mouth opens before she can find it. “You’re a valuable ally.”

“I figured you’d say that,” Dorothea smiles and it’s enough. Sometimes the most important things are the ones we don’t get to say.

“About earlier, I wish I had some advice to offer,” Edelgard changes the topic, afraid that Dorothea will read too much inside of her and she’ll find something Edelgard is trying to keep sheltered. It’s like she can’t filter her words properly around her. “I’m afraid the best I can do for you is wish you the best of luck in finding that love you dearly seek.”

“Love. Isn’t that a nice thought?” Dorothea sighs dreamily, returns to her usual self. Edelgard wonders how much of it is pure acting. She links her hands above her heart, thinks of a bright future away from her grasp. “Oh, to be tenderly loved by someone who’s unaware of the Mittlefrank’s songstress. I doubt that person truly exists.”

“I don’t know about that,” she shakes her head, honesty sitting on Edelgard’s lips and pouring out of her. At least there’s one thing she can promise. “But I do know that you won’t be needing to wander the streets of Enbarr at any time in your life.”

“What do you mean?” She tilts her head, green irises searching within lilac.

Edelgard smiles. It’s small and imperfect, but it’s sincere. She hopes it’s enough. “You will always have a place in the Empire.”

“Oh, yeah?” Dorothea mirrors her, the curve of her lips blooming, content. “That's sweet of you, Edie.”

* * *

The night before the attack to Garreg Mach, Dorothea is sitting on the stairs of the temporary home base of the Empire.

The stone is cold and hard pressed against her skin, but it gives her something else to focus her mind on. Her head goes back and forth to the events that happened hours earlier, how Edelgard revealed she’s the Flame Emperor, she always had been and they hadn’t noticed. Dorothea feels conflicted, she’s signed up for a war that will bring misfortune, and death, and pain. She plays with her fingers, the rest of the world is muted and far away.

She doesn’t notice Edelgard approaching until she’s standing right behind her.

“Edie?” She says, head tilted up. “It’s late; I thought you would’ve called it a day by now.”

“Ah, it’s you, Dorothea,” Edelgard sits next to her, recognizing her figure and her voice in the dim light of the settlement. The cold and hard stone feels unwelcoming for the emperor, too.

“What are you doing here?” Dorothea asks, wrapping her arms tighter around herself, trying to keep the warmth inside.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Edelgard says, looking to the dark corridor that stretches beyond the stairs they’re sitting on, eyes fixed on the shadows ahead.

The silence stretches between them. Edelgard doesn’t mind solitude, she’s used to it by now. In fact, that’s exactly what she was hoping to find when she left her provisional room moments before. But lately she hardly ever finds herself alone, there’s always someone beside her. Usually it was the professor or Dorothea. She’s grown to like the company, even if there’s not much to say. She likes the idea of not being by herself, even if it’s temporary.

“I couldn’t fall to sleep after what happened earlier, it’s like my heart won’t stop racing,” Dorothea admits, memories unraveling in her head – the Flame Emperor’s mask cracking and revealing Edelgard’s face, the professor’s sword pointed at Rhea, the hatred in her eyes as she turned into an enormous dragon. Dorothea shakes her head. “I thought some air could help.”

“So I see. It’s the same for me. When sleep evades me, I long for a sweet breeze on my face,” Edelgard says, hands tightly clasped on her lap. She feels like she should apologize, but then again, they followed her at their own will. She wonders how much of it is her own influence and how much is the professor’s. Either way, she feels grateful. “Do tell me, does it?”

“Hm?” Dorothea makes a noise in her throat.

“Does the air help calm your heart?” Edelgard says, stealing glances of her friend with the corner of her eye.

“Not really,” Dorothea sighs, the warm breath escaping her lips lazily. She’s playing with one of her brown locks of hair, curling it and uncurling it around her finger. Edelgard stares.

“I can tell something is troubling you,” She says slowly, noticing something off about her friend but not having any further proof of it. _Let me help you,_ she wants to say. “Perhaps I can offer some advice to help ease your mind.”

“It’s nothing,” Dorothea shakes her head, her hair falling messily down her shoulders.

“I insist,” Edelgard says, trying to convey her thoughts into meaningful words. “You have trusted me with your decision earlier. You followed the Empire – you followed _me_ to an inevitable war. The least I should do is offer you my support as well. Please.”

“It’s just…” Dorothea hesitates, stumbling over her breath and hoping to get the right words out of her mind. “How do we know we are doing the right thing? I can’t help but think about all the lives that will be lost, all the bloodshed that we’ll make happen.”

She hugs herself, attempting to keep any warmth she has left in her body – _This is a horrible decision. This was the only choice I had._

“I understand your concern. I too feel unease when I think of all we must sacrifice,” Edelgard sighs, feels the weight of the world on her shoulders, steels herself; Dorothea swallows. “But you have to understand there is no easy path if we wish to change the wicked world that’s been given to us.”

“I know. But all I can think of now is… what makes us any different from the people who will fall for us? Why do we have this power to dictate who lives and who dies? I’m not like you, Edie, I don’t have an armored heart. I’m just a commoner who got way too lucky,” Dorothea’s nails are digging into her palms. “If I still was that orphan in the streets of Enbarr, what would happen to me in this war? What will happen to all who still live powerless lives?”

“We’re no different from them, that’s one of the injustices I seek to remove. And you think poorly about yourself, you’re much more than a lucky commoner, Dorothea,” Edelgard says, gaze dropping down while she gnaws on her bottom lip. “I don’t agree with what you said about me having an armored heart. I too have fears and regrets. I worry that, if I were alone, I would lose myself in this war, become a harsh ruler with a heart of ice. I had made my peace with that possibility, that none of you would have joined me down this path.”

She’s raw, she’s honest, she’s true. There’s little she could lose at this point, she’s risking it all in one move. _You followed me_ , Edelgard thinks, and she wonders for how long they’ll keep choosing her.

“Oh, Edie. You know we’d stick with you through thick and thin,” Dorothea says, she feels that’s the most genuine thing she’s said in a while. “Now that we’re opening up our hearts, I must say that you are all much like the family I never really had. You guys make me feel at home, wherever that may be. You too, Edie.”

Dorothea smiles, and in her eyes Edelgard sees the color of a peaceful field reflected over water, she sees something to protect.

“I… I can’t tell you how much joy your words bring me,” she says. Dorothea’s words are true, but Edelgard sees beyond her perfect mask. “However, I can see you’re still hesitant about this decision. It’s understandable, to say the least.”

That catches Dorothea off-guard.

“I’m not – I would never – ”

“You wouldn’t betray us, I know that,” Edelgard finishes her words, her own mouth stretching in a lazy smile in response. “Did you know? When I became the Emperor, I swore a silent oath. For the sake of all the poor souls whose lives were traded for my existence, for all who will fall in this war I’ve started, I will build a world where such meaningless sacrifice is never again sanctioned,” Edelgard looks at Dorothea, who’s eyes are fixed on the floor, reluctant. “I wish to create a world without injustice, without innocent children wandering the streets of the capital. A future where everyone will have the same opportunities.”

“That’s truly a lovely goal, Edie.”

Dorothea glances up, catches Edelgard staring. Her smile is confident, revealing her teeth. There’s no faking, no masks, just trust and a bright promise there. _Choose me_ , Edelgard wishes she could say. _Follow me to a brighter future_.

“It is. That is why winning this war is so imperative. If I’m allowed a moment of selfishness,” she says, fingers tugging shyly at the soft fabric of her nightdress. “I’d wish to walk this path with you by my side. However, I know you must have a lot to consider. I’m simply happy I can enjoy your company for tonight.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to stay by your side,” Dorothea quickly shakes her head, words tangling in her mind. “There’s nothing I’d like more. It’s just…”

A sigh.

“Please, speak freely,” Edelgard insists one last time. _Trust me. Please, trust me_. “It’s okay.”

“Selfish as I am, I curried favor with a noble so I could enroll at the Officer’s Academy. An orphan like me in Garreg Mach. Crazy, right? And now, you ask me to be leading troops as part of the Empire’s military...” Dorothea curls into herself, feeling small as the world unfolds and changes before her still eyes – _It’s too much._ “I can’t help but feel I’m way out of my league here, Edie. I'm doing the best I can, of course, but sometimes I wonder if it's enough...”

Dorothea has some locks of hair falling over the side of her face; Edelgard thinks of leaning to her and tucking them behind her ear, resting her hand on the angle of her jaw. She doesn’t. Instead, she thinks about war.

“Dorothea, please don’t think yourself so lacking. You have more experience in battle and hardships that most of my men. I can’t think of anyone more capable than you,” Edelgard slips her bottom lip between her teeth, heart pounding. “More so, I – I don’t want to think of anyone that isn’t you. For this task, I mean. Your fierce determination doesn’t come from your bloodline, it’s your own doing, the reason I value you. Who would be more suited for this than someone I trust with my life?”

“Edie…” Dorothea blushes, crimson colors blooming under the soft skin of her cheeks. Edelgard stares, _stares_. “I don’t know what to say. If I didn’t know you better, I’d even say you’re flirting with me here.”

“Let’s put that aside for now,” she shakes her head, heart drumming beyond what she can comprehend. She grasps the cotton fabric of her dress tighter – _Might as well open up now_. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“What is it, Edie?” Dorothea finds her gaze, emerald glowing dimly in the night.

“I’m afraid this might sound a bit… sentimental. However, I want to thank you.”

Edelgard raises her chin slowly and, in her eyes, Dorothea sees lilac irises reflecting the sunset of the new dawn she’s promised, the rest of the world narrowing to a single line, a single thought.

“Thank me?” She mouths. “For what?”

“Yes. Because of you, I remember that I, too, have a heart beyond the emperor’s mask that I’ve built,” Edelgard whispers, her heart and all its jagged pieces pounding in her chest, opening up feels almost painful for her. “You make me think of those that I am ultimately trying to protect, the innocents that live at the expense of the decisions we rulers make. You give me perspective, keep me grounded. I think of you as someone I can speak freely to. As the Emperor, but also as Edelgard.”

There’s a pause, a moment when silence swallows every unsaid thing in between. Edelgard’s heart throbs inside her ribcage, stars sitting on her veins at the sight of Dorothea’s eyes, ghosting over her skin and all her lines.

“What am I to you, Edie?” She asks, and some part of Edelgard’s mind remembers the way these words once left Dorothea’s lips.

“To me? Hm…” She wonders, once again, what’s the right thing to say. _She followed me_ , the thought finds her again. _She believes in the future I’ve promised. Believes in me_. At some point along the way, the word ‘ally’ became too small to capture what Dorothea means to her. An honest smile blooms in Edelgard’s lips. “A friend.”

Dorothea laughs, the sound of her voice rumbling low in Edelgard’s chest.

“You really are something special, aren't you?” She says.

Dorothea and Edelgard are many things, linked together though worlds apart; messy and unfitting from a distance, harmonizing when gazed up close. There’s past, there’s future, blood and dreams – fear is still there, but it’s grown faint, muted under the promise of being there for one another.

They fall silent, the calm of the night embracing them again. But this time, there are no ghosts, no dragons, no pointed swords and no blood. There’s just the soothing melody of the crickets’ lullaby outside.

“Hey, Dorothea,” Edelgard starts. There are things that need to be said, even if they live in a world where actions are what matters most. She hopes she has time to prove herself. “No matter what decision you make, you will always have a place in the Black Eagle Strike Force.”

Dorothea smiles and Edelgard mimics her, affection overflowing the curve of her lips so clearly it’s almost embarrassing for the Emperor. Or it would be if it wasn’t so genuine, if Dorothea didn’t look at her with those endearing eyes. Edelgard wonders what it all means, wonders how long they can play this game.

* * *

It’s the third anniversary of the professor’s disappearance. Years later, Edelgard would look back and call herself an idiot for missing her that dearly; Dorothea would call her brave, for holding on hope for that long.

It’s mostly a day like any other, they’re in the middle of war and there’s not much time left for reminiscence of the past, of the future that could’ve been. Still, Byleth’s absence wounded all of them, each mourns her loss in their own way, keep her alive in their thoughts and prayers.

The one thing they can all agree on is that it weighs the most on Edelgard’s heart.

It’s not that she voices it, she never does. But the former Black Eagles know her patterns and her flaws, they collectively give her space this one day of the year, knowing her mind is not completely where she’d like it to be. They don’t blame her, not even close. Each of them tries to comfort her their own way, but none of them knows the extent of her damage like Dorothea does.

That’s why, when Edelgard doesn’t show up at war council that morning, no one accuses her of abandoning her duties.

Dorothea finds her in the Goddess’ tower. She’s leaning on the smooth stones of the tower’s window, gaze drifting low and beyond. Dorothea’s eyes find her immediately, focusing on how pretty she looks under the morning’s dim light, how beautiful she’s grown to be, though the veil on her eyes is a sorrowful one.

“Edie! Thank the Goddess, here you are!” She approaches her, voice sunny as ever. “I’ve looked everywhere for you.”

“Hello, Dorothea,” Edelgard turns upon hearing her. If she didn’t know her better, she’d say it’s just a day like any other. Edelgard had perfectioned the art of masking any emotion over the years. “I’m sorry to cause you trouble.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” she says dismissively. “It’s Hubie you should be concerned about. He’s practically shooting steam out of his ears.”

“That does sound like him,” Edelgard nods, picturing it in her head. She makes a mental note to apologize to him later. “Was there something you needed of me?”

“If I remember it right, you and I had a tactics session scheduled for today,” Dorothea’s voice is soft, far from accusatory. “I was worried when you didn’t show up.”

“Oh, right. My apologies for that, Dorothea,” she shakes her head, feels disappointed that she didn’t even excuse herself before fleeing. “I got too overwhelmed; I needed to escape for a moment to get some fresh air.”

Dorothea takes one step closer, finds Edelgard’s arm and softly places her hand there. “Is everything okay, Edie?”

Edelgard curses herself; if she had buried her emotions deeper, Dorothea wouldn’t have noticed. But, of course, she had. She’s learned to notice every little thing about Edelgard.

“I’d love nothing more than to say yes to that,” she says, doesn’t tell her how little she had slept the night before, how tears had found her in the dead of night, helpless and vulnerable. “Unfortunately, it’s not the case.”

“What’s on your mind? Maybe letting it out in the open might help. Oh, I know! Now that I’m here, do you think you’d like to join me for a treat of something sweet?”

Dorothea teases, knowing her way to the Emperor’s heart.

“I’d love to,” as she says this, Edelgard understands this is the trap she’s set for herself. She smiles, masking the blush underneath.

Dorothea leads Edelgard to the emperor’s chambers. Even though they’re heading to her room and she knows that, she lets Dorothea drag her around the monastery by the wrist. There’s something soothing about the contact, something nice about being led to comfort. Edelgard doesn’t have much energy to fight her, anyway.

“So Edie, is the tea to your liking?”

Dorothea asks once they’re settled. She had quickly grabbed the tea set and prepared ginger tea in the blink of an eye, too used to this ritual she stablished between them some years ago. Whenever the emperor felt overwhelmed, Dorothea somehow knew and she always found her way to steal Edelgard away for a couple of hours and let her relax in company.

“It’s lovely,” she says as she feels the warm brewage make its way down her throat. Ginger isn’t her favorite one, but there’s no denying it makes her feel a bit more at ease. “Thank you, Dorothea. You always tend to know how to calm my mind and my heart. But that’s nothing to be surprised of, you’ve been there for me more times than I dare to count.”

“That’s very true. Who would have said the Emperor of Adrestia herself enjoyed being cared for like a regular human being? Edelgard von Hresvelg longing for free time and reassurance once every blue moon? Unthinkable!”

Dorothea laughs and it’s endearing, Edelgard thinks. She thinks about leaning in and brushing softly her fingers through her cheek, thinks of holding her and running her hands through her hair. It’s not a new thought. It’s usually under the veil of the night sky, busy afternoons with too much on her mind when the ideas make their way to her mind. Dorothea’s still smiling at her. If Edelgard keeps staring at her like this, Dorothea will know that. She’s going to gaze once inside of her, read her expression and she’ll find her name written inside the walls that protect Edelgard’s heart.

“Cease this mockery,” Edelgard shakes her head, her lips curling. “I’m serious. I’ve realized… you are far more precious to me than I let on.”

“My, Edie. What has gotten into you?” Dorothea asks, emerald eyes finding soft lavender, the pink of her mouth. “This isn’t like you, not that I complain.”

“Just, hear me out. If you had asked me years ago, I am sure I would have said that I was ready to rule the Empire, to rule Fodlan on my own,” Edelgard feels a hand softly pressed over hers. She steadies her voice, finds the courage to keep talking. “I was certain no one would be willing to sacrifice themselves for my cause. Yet, surprisingly, you were the first to prove me wrong.”

“You know me,” she strokes her thumb over the back of Edelgard’s hand. “Always defying all expectations.”

“Too true. You didn’t simply stay by my side, Dorothea. You offered a hand in my darkest moments, you stood by me even when countless weapons aimed at you, you brighten my days almost effortlessly, never expecting anything in return. You followed me to war, yet you still find time in your day to help the powerless and fragile at that orphanage,” Dorothea can see the way Edelgard adjusts her weight, moves slightly closer. “You don’t know the meaning of surrender. I never thought such a genuine person could really exist.”

“That’s… a lot to take in. You give me way more credit than you should. It’s not like I do all those things to get recognition, I just – I can’t help but care so much, somebody has to,” Dorothea admits, her words leaving a sweet taste on her mouth. “And I treasure you, Edie. There are little things I wouldn’t do for you, at this point.”

“I – I care for you deeply as well, Dorothea,” Edelgard says, shifting a bit in her seat. “That is why there’s a favor I’d like to ask of you.”

There’s a moment of building, the words piling up between them, holding great significance. It’s been three years and there aren’t not many things left to be honest about. Edelgard feels that, with Dorothea, there’s no other option but the truth. She shouldn’t feel shy after all this time.

“Anything for you, Edie,” Dorothea reassures.

“I want you to promise… that no matter which situation we encounter in this war, you will never stop fighting for your life. Whatever terrible fate awaits us, we can fight it and prevail if we work together. I need you to tell me that you will prioritize your life if you come across such situation,” Edelgard says firmly, leaning closer and lowering her voice. “Do you promise?”

“Edie…” Dorothea says instead, thoughts tangled, her hand joined loosely with Edelgard’s. “I think you’re not saying what you really mean here.”

Edelgard shakes her head.

“Please, Dorothea. This is a serious matter,” she whispers, troubled. _You have to live. Please, I need you to live_.

“I promise,” Dorothea tells her soothingly, brushes her fingers over Edelgard’s knuckles. “I’m a tough cookie. Nothing will take me away from you, okay? Is that what you fear?”

Edelgard’s hands start shaking even under Dorothea’s soft touch.

“I can’t lose you,” she whispers, eyes darting away. The emperor’s mask cracking before her eyes, fear of repeating the past sitting on her veins. “Not you – _too_.”

“I see,” Dorothea nods, sadly. “This is about the prof – ”

Suddenly, Edelgard stands up, startling Dorothea. She walks to the balcony of her room, mumbling a weak “forgive me”. Dorothea follows her, takes quick steps towards her. Edelgard doesn’t go away but she doesn’t meet her halfway, either. She just waits, sorting out her own emotions before trying to make sense of them.

They stare at the village below in silence. Dorothea notices how, slowly but steadily, the merchants have come back, the villagers have rebuilt their houses around the monastery, their home. They stare quietly, the gentle morning breeze playing with their hair, until Dorothea speaks up.

“It’s that day of the year again, isn’t it?” Dorothea sighs. She already knew, but this was the confirmation she needed.

She scoots beside Edelgard, shoulders knocking lightly. It’s one of Dorothea’s harmless accidents, she lingers around the emperor maybe a little too close most of the time, the space between them narrowing into nothing when they’re close together.

“I’m sorry,” Edelgard breathes unsteadily, trying to shove the tears away, her hands clutching tightly the marble of the balcony. “It’s unfitting for an emperor to be seen in such a pathetic state. It’s best if you take your leave now.”

“Don’t you dare play the emperor card on me like that, Edie,” Dorothea softens her tone. “I’ve seen you bleeding and with broken bones, you’ll need more than this to scare me away.”

When she’s upset, Edelgard withdraws in herself behind the emperor’s title. It’s a cheap camouflage that Dorothea has learnt to see through.

“Please,” Edelgard insists. “Just – ”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Dorothea says, placing one hand on Edelgard’s, ghosting over her skin lightly with her fingers. “Feelings are a human thing, and despite what Lady Rhea may think, you’re as human as ever. No need to be ashamed for feeling something so natural, not with me. Now, look at me.”

“Dorothea…” Edelgard shakes her head, eyes looking everywhere but in her direction.

“Come on,” Dorothea palms her cheek softly, and Edelgard shifts to meet her eyes, clouded like a night sky. “There you are,” her eyes are crystalline, filled with tears that she refuses to let go. Edelgard gives in to Dorothea’s touch, one single tear making it’s way down her cheek. Dorothea brushes it away with her thumb, sympathetic. “You miss her, don’t you?”

Edelgard nods sorrowful, mouth shut to keep the pain inside, but the tears start to come anyway. Dorothea lets out a sigh, lifting her other hand to fully cup Edelgard’s face. They’re so intertwined, Dorothea thinks. She can’t see Edelgard cry without the ache burning in her own chest.

Edelgard takes a moment to breathe and steady herself before speaking. She would be cracking under the loathing of being vulnerable if her whole world wasn’t a complicated mess right now, if Dorothea’s touch wasn’t this soothing.

“It’s been three years. I can’t believe I’m still – I feel utterly stupid.”

It’s vague, but Dorothea understands what the emperor doesn’t say. Despite all the missing pieces, she’s learnt to read Edelgard’s emotions, see the naked truth behind her lilac eyes.

“Don’t say that, I can think of a few people I’d call stupid before you,” Dorothea teases, but her words feel heavy sitting on her lips, it’s not easy learning what to let go of. Her thumbs keep collecting Edelgard’s tears underneath her eyes. “I miss her too, you know? I too often find myself thinking how much easier everything would be if she was still with us.”

“Not just that,” Edelgard shakes her head weakly, still not moving away from Dorothea’s touch. She’s tugging on the soft fabric of her dress, seeking comfort. “She was my anchor. I felt invincible when she sided with us at the holy tomb that fated night. I truly believed we could achieve anything. Win this war, build a better Fodlan. It was so easy to feel at ease next to her. I put my guard down for one second, and – ”

“It’s not your fault, Edie. You couldn’t have possibly predicted such a tragedy would happen.”

Dorothea’s palm slips down Edelgard’s back, stroking back and forth. There’s no hidden meaning there, just the wish to reassure, to help. She’s a tactile person, it’s how she says everything that words enough can’t convey.

“I know,” she says. “I know. But as the Emperor, I can’t help but think of all the wrongs I should have amended.”

 _There she is again_ , Dorothea thinks, briefly feeling the emperor’s mask covering Edelgard’s expression. Those are her icy walls, the dusted barrier she’s hardened and perfected over the years of living chained in the dark. Behind her barricade, Edelgard holds her fears like a lost kid holds the hope of being found again. She’s tormented, wounded, scared of not making the right choices. Dorothea knows that Edelgard’s heart beats passionately, with the resolve of someone who’s seen the night and is determined to grasp the light.

“The crown is truly a heavy burden on you, isn’t it?” She asks, wondering how Edelgard’s life would’ve been if one of her siblings had taken up the throne in her place, how _she_ would’ve been.

“It is,” she nods, feeling it’s weight on her head. She smiles weakly. “Both spiritually but also physically.”

“Is it?” Dorothea tilts her head, staring at Edelgard’s horned crown. She raises a hand, tentatively. “May I?”

Edelgard nods, already figuring out her friend’s intentions. Dorothea lifts the crown off her head slowly, careful not to accidentally pull on any lock of hair. Edelgard feels relief when the weight is lifted off.

“My, Edie! This is heavier than I thought!” Dorothea exclaims, genuinely surprised, the golden crown resting on both her hands. “How can you go around the place wearing this all day? How can you _fight_ with this?”

“It is a symbol of the status of Emperor in the current system of aristocracy,” Edelgard explains, massaging her scalp where the crown was moments before. “I must bear it with pride if I wish to be both recognized as a leader and followed into battle.”

“I see,” she shrugs, thinking once again the extent of nobilities’ foolishness. “It doesn’t make it less hideous. Or heavy.”

“It isn’t worthy of concern, really,” Edelgard shakes her head.

“I wonder…” Dorothea thinks aloud, raising a hand and caressing one of Edelgard’s silver locks. Edelgard averts her eyes, masking the blush that attempted to bloom there. “Would you mind if I brushed your hair for a bit?”

Dorothea’s the only person who’s ever touched Edelgard this freely, her soft fingers ghost against Edelgard’s skin before the light pressure comes. Dorothea’s always around, usually one touch away, quick to grab her hand and caress the scars that meet her there, the skin under her eyes, the curve of her spine – but she always gives Edelgard room to move away, to run if her touch isn’t welcome. It always is.

“I…” Edelgard stutters. “I don’t think – ”

“Come on, it’s been ages since I brushed your hair! Just this once,” Dorothea makes puppy eyes, emerald shining bright and hopeful, something Edelgard can never refuse to indulge. “It will help you relax, I promise.”

“If you insist so dearly, then I guess it can’t hurt,” a sigh. Edelgard pretends to feel defeated. “Just this once.”

“You’re the best, Edie,” Dorothea smiles, bathing with her light all of Edelgard’s shadows and corners; she rolls her eyes at the sight.

They settle on Edelgard’s bed. Big as it is, there’s room for both of them easily. Dorothea’s resting her back on the wooden headboard, and Edelgard’s sitting on the mattress in front of her, silver hair down. Dorothea is brushing it, content.

“Your hair is so soft to the touch, Edie,” she says. Her fingers trail up to Edelgard’s locks, push them gently behind her ears, nails scratching satisfyingly against her scalp.

“Is it?” Edelgard says, closes her eyes and relaxes to her touch, forgets how it felt to have the weight of the world on her shoulders in the first place.

“It is. It’s also very pretty,” Dorothea says, rolling her bottom lip between her teeth, hands lost in silver waves. “I wonder how beautiful you’d look like now with your brown hair.”

Edelgard had told Dorothea about her past barely a year ago during one of her night terrors. Edelgard had tried her hardest then to mask how terribly wounded she was by her latest nightmare, memories of her past, ghosts that still haunt her; but Dorothea saw past that, past the lies and the walls – she held her and listened to every muffled truth that spilled out of Edelgard, soothed her with words and warm tea, kept her close until sleep found her hours later, stayed awake to watch over her, to protect her.

“I guess that’s one of the many mysteries that will remain unsolved, I’m afraid.”

She waits for the usual sting of pain in her chest at the memory of her past, but it never comes. It must be something about the moment, Edelgard thinks. The immense comfort she feels, the pleasing delight of her fingers through her hair, the sound of Dorothea humming content behind her, the dim light across the window, how it almost feels as if time had stopped altogether – it makes her think of love. She can’t remember why she felt sorrow moments before.

“Who knows?” Dorothea shrugs, fingers massaging the back of Edelgard’s neck; she tilts her head, practically purrs. “Maybe we can figure something out after the war is over.”

“How do you mean?” Edelgard says, finding herself leaning further back against Dorothea’s chest, polarized to her touch, her warmth – all of her.

“You intended to found an institution for Crest and Relic research when we win the war, didn’t you? Maybe Linhardt can dig in a little bit about the nature of your second crest and, I don’t know, maybe he can find a way to remove it or something of the sort,” Dorothea glances at her, expression softening despite knowing that Edelgard can’t see her face. “Wouldn’t it be great?”

“It would. It certainly brings me joy hearing you speak so positively about the outcome of this war. I envy your certainty regarding our victory,” Edelgard breathes out, Dorothea’s fingers knotting in her hair, she feels her heart pouring warmth. It’s Dorothea. With her around, there’s always going to be light. “But it makes me even happier that you would think of such a bright future for myself.”

“Of course, Edie. I still need to write that opera about you, you will hear my singing to the very last verse!” Dorothea smiles, heart beating with pride. “There are so many things we have yet to do. I can’t risk losing you before we turn into old ladies that enjoy tea together.”

She kisses the top of Edelgard’s head, unexpectedly overwhelmed with the possibility of that future. Edelgard smiles to herself, hides the blooming of her cheeks from Dorothea’s eyes. _I’m lucky_ , she thinks. _Even if everything falls apart, I’ll always be lucky if you remain beside me_.

“Sounds like you’ve given up your plan on finding a wealthy male companion,” Edelgard says quietly, uncertainly.

“It’s true I’ve given up on many things,” Dorothea stops brushing her hair, her fingers stop massaging Edelgard’s scalp; a sound of displeasure dies in the emperor’s throat. “War isn’t the place for wishful thinking after all. It has taken so many things from me and it’s been really, _really_ hard so far. But... I’m still holding on the hope for other things.”

“There are things we simply can’t let go of,” Edelgard nods, not moving an inch from her position. She understands the hollowness of loss better than anyone. “What would those be, if I’m allowed to ask?”

Dorothea doesn’t answer right away, and silence stretches for a few seconds, settles between them like a heavy fog.

“I too wish Byleth would come back to us,” Dorothea says softly, staring blankly at the ceiling. She isn’t as strong as she’d like to, but no one really is. “It may not look like it, and probably not to your extent, but I relied on her as well. I’d like to think that she’ll find her way here, eventually. Maybe it’s foolish of me, but I – ”

“No, you’re right,” Edelgard says, turning around to face her, lilac irises bright and hopeful. “I don’t see any reason as to why we should lose hope yet.”

“You mean it?” Dorothea frowns. She didn’t want to talk about the professor again, given how it’s still a sensitive topic for Edelgard, but she seems eager to keep talking, to keep having faith in her.

“I do,” she nods. “She came back after she was sent to the eternal darkness, after all.”

“That’s true,” Dorothea smiles, smoothes Edelgard’s hair away from her face, lips red in the dim light. _As long as we keep fighting, she’s not entirely gone. As long as we remain together_. “We should work hard to win this war while she’s not here, grow into people she’d be proud of.”

“I agree,” Edelgard says, shifts her face closer to Dorothea’s ever so slowly, eyes staring deeply into her emerald and her pupils growing wider. “If I may voice my thoughts and they have any meaning to you… I am deeply proud of you, Dorothea. You have proven to be someone remarkable, beyond everything I could’ve possibly imagined at first. You – You mean the _world_ to me.”

Dorothea stares at her in awe, addicted to the way Edelgard’s eyelashes flutter shyly, as if her words had left her lips without her thinking about them first, pouring out of her like stars collapsing in the night sky.

“My, Edie. If you keep this up, I might combust from embarrassment,” she murmurs, catches Edelgard’s chin between her index finger and thumb. “I am really proud of you, too. You’re fierce and strong all the time, you lead tropes into battle with no hesitation, you don’t flinch at blood or death; yet this soft part of you is something only I get to see, am I wrong?”

Edelgard doesn’t move an inch, her heart pounding, eyes shifting quickly between Dorothea’s mouth and her eyes, growing with desire. There are thousands of things yet to say, thousands of things left to do – but right now, there’s nothing else alive on the planet’s surface beside the two of them, suspended in this timeless moment.

“You are not,” Edelgard says, drawing closer, pride to see Dorothea this flustered masked underneath a smile.

Her voice rumbles low in Dorothea’s chest, throbbing lightly like her heart. Edelgard feels Dorothea’s eyes following the line of her throat, her jaw, her mouth; there’s a warm feeling spreading down her stomach, her veins. She tilts her head, meets Dorothea’s worshiping gaze and smiles.

“Oh, to hear those joyful words straight out of the emperor’s very lips,” Dorothea says, brushing her thumb over Edelgard’s bottom lip, eyes fixed on her. There’s a feral spark in her eyes, lilac combusting under her stare like a fallen star. She watches Edelgard swallow hard, struggle against the yearning to lean over and meet her halfway, burning with need. “Absolutely bewitching.”

“Dorothea…” Edelgard whimpers, fire crackling in the vault of her chest.

“What am I to you, Edie?” Dorothea suddenly asks with teasing eyes. Edelgard swears she remembers how her lips curve saying these words.

“The light of my life,” Edelgard smiles, the air leaving her lips softly brushing against Dorothea’s. There’s no hesitation there, no doubt. Those melted long ago under Dorothea’s touch.

 _She has the loveliest lips_ , Edelgard thinks as she leans forward, feeling the rush of delight even before brushing them together, the thrill of capturing Dorothea’s mouth with her own, of kissing her, feeling her close.

At the back of her mind, Edelgard finds a red flag, dusted and forgotten. She remembers bearing it carefully before. _Never let someone else bloom into you, don’t let them see too far inside_. Well, she lost that warning at some point, now there’s only Dorothea – She’s on the curve of her smile, the crook of her neck, her sleepless nights and the light behind her eyes. _I swear it’s you,_ she thinks to herself _. It’s always been you_.

Suddenly, a knock on the door.

The spell is broken; Edelgard can feel the adrenaline rushing down her veins, replacing Dorothea’s warmth with the coldness of alert. They move away from each other instinctively, at least Edelgard does. They’re sitting separately on the bed, all senses vigilant and hearts racing unsteadily. _I will ban from the Empire whoever interrupted us right now_ , the thought creeps up Edelgard’s head.

“Your Majesty?” Hubert’s voice makes its way across the wooden door. “Your presence is immediately required in the battle council.”

Edelgard sighs loud enough to cause a giggle out of Dorothea. She smiles at that.

“I will be right there, Hubert,” Edelgard gets up from the bed and stretches her muscles, feeling much more relaxed than before. She has Dorothea to thank for that.

“Sounds like the fun is over,” Dorothea manages to keep her smile in place exactly where it was, but Edelgard sees in her the disappointment she herself feels.

“Unfortunately,” Edelgard nods, a faint blush still sitting on her cheeks, heartbeat still drumming against her chest. “However, it was lovely spending time with you, Dorothea. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, Edie. I always love being with my favorite girl,” she blows Edelgard a kiss.

“I see,” Edelgard says when she’s about to open the door. Then she turns back, biting her bottom lip.

“You look like there’s something you want to say,” Dorothea ventures. She knows Edelgard like the back of her hand, knows her heart and all its chambers.

“As emperor, I have an ambition that I must fulfill. It requires that we see this war through to the end, you’re aware of that,” Dorothea nods. These aren’t words she hadn’t heard before. Edelgard looks up and finds her gaze, catches her staring and her expression softens. “As Edelgard, no matter what events shall unfold after we achieve our goal, you will always have a place next to me, Dorothea.”

“Thank you, my emperor,” Dorothea says, leaving one last peck on her cheek before she watches Edelgard make her way down the corridor.

* * *

It’s the first day of peace in a really long time, the first day after the war ended.

Dorothea is resting her elbows on the cold stone of the balcony at Garreg Mach, a cup of tea in her hand, watching the sunrise beyond the mountains and the clouds ahead.

They had defeated the Immaculate One after a battle that lasted throughout the whole night. They were exhausted and scared, but also hopeful and brave. They fought against friends, colleagues, people they had shared experiences with. There was fear, there was blood, ashes, pain, and shadows. In the end, there was only silence. A quiet silence that unfolded across the battlefield. And with it came the light – the new dawn they had fought so hard for.

Dorothea would swear it was all a dream. Or she could also call it a nightmare. She couldn’t believe she was still standing there, all her limbs together and watching Edelgard cradle the professor’s lifeless body on her arms.

Everything felt surreal.

After the fight ended, the wounded were taken care of, and Linhardt and Manuela said the professor would be okay. They all collectively sighed in relief, Edelgard the most. They travelled back all day, stopping in Garreg Mach for the night before they’d return to Enbarr.

Dorothea hears steps approaching her, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Edie?” She finds the emperor making her way to the balcony, too. “I thought you would be still sleeping, it’s early.”

“So it seems,” she nods, covers her mouth to suppress a yawn. She fails. “Unfortunately, my body intends to keep me awake. It wasn’t of much use staying in bed.”

Dorothea nods and they fall silent for a while, observing how the newborn light bathes the Officer’s Academy and its surroundings. She often forgets how beautiful the outside of Garreg Mach is until she stops and really sees what’s around her, experiencing the sweet breeze on her cheeks. It’s an astonishing place, high on the side of the mountain where the clouds don’t look that far away. In winter, it’s always covered in silver snow, fog hovering over the monastery’s towers, stars shimmering across the dark blue vault of the sky. There’s something endearing about its rooms and corridors, always full of life, something timeless. Dorothea could swear she never left in the first place, even after all that’s happened.

“One would say you would let yourself rest after defeating an ancient dragon. Goddess forbid that the Emperor sleeps in once in her life!” Dorothea jokes, grabbing Edelgard by the waist, her fingers spreading against the wool of her red dress. “Now seriously, how are you?”

Edelgard breathes in, lets the morning air overflow her lungs before letting it escape her lips with ease. She allows herself to slip an arm around Dorothea’s waist as well, lightly resting her weight on her. Dorothea holds her, she always does.

“I am quite alright, thank you for your concern,” Edelgard says, staring at Dorothea, who’s eyes are focused on the scenery before them. “If I may be honest, I still find it hard to believe that all of this is… over.”

Dorothea has only grown more gorgeous over the years; Edelgard wonders how that is even possible. Sometimes she finds herself transfixed, simply admiring how the songstress’ beauty astounds her, makes her feel slightly dizzy on the head, lighthearted on the chest.

“I know, right? The war seemed endless, like it would keep going forever,” Dorothea says, nodding strongly. _It’s over. I can’t believe it’s really over_. “Even last night at the battlefield, it didn’t feel like it was the last battle. It still doesn’t feel real.”

“I share that sentiment. The children of the goddess have been defeated at last, I am conscious that now the fate of this world depends on the choices we make,” Edelgard nods, well aware that they still will find struggles in their path. “There’s still so much to be done, and we can't ignore the possibility that our enemies will resurface one day, but to think that we can put our weapons down and finally build a better Fodlan, feels…”

“…surreal. Right?” Dorothea reaches up, intertwines their fingers slowly, mindlessly.

“Yes. Surreal,” Edelgard nods, lets Dorothea’s thumb caress her skin with ease. She feels the words leaving her lips, the way relieve fills her corners inside. “This is something I couldn’t possibly have achieved on my own. I am deeply grateful that all of you decided to walk this path alongside me, lending me your strength. After all the dreadful situations I’ve been involved in, and yet I now feel the luckiest woman in the world.”

“You may as well be,” Dorothea jokes. Her grip on their linked fingers grows slightly tighter, but loose enough if Edelgard wants to pull away. “You have the future of the world upon your hands, you could do literally anything and no one would dare to stop you. You could also have anyone you wanted. You’re the hero who freed humanity, after all.”

“Hero, you say?” Edelgard smiles. She doesn’t voice how her heart flutters to Dorothea’s touch, how grateful she feels to see her still breathing in front of her. “I can’t deny it has a nice ring to it, but I’m afraid heroes only exist within legends and chivalry books. The pool of blood at my feet is too large to consider me any sort of hero. Those stains can never be washed clean.”

“Edie,” Dorothea tucks some stray locks of silver hair behind Edelgard’s ear, stares adoringly at her. “Do you remember the opera song I wrote for you back when we attended the Officer’s Academy?”

“I do, though I can’t quite recall exactly what it said,” Edelgard says, remembering how she spent the following nights echoing Dorothea’s verses in her head. She can’t believe she’s forgotten them. “Why do you ask?”

Dorothea shoots her a playful smile before she starts singing.

“ _Hail the mighty Edelgard, though red blood stains her story…_ ” Dorothea sings, her strong voice resounding across the monastery’s walls and corners, drumming low in Edelgard’s chest. “ _Heavy as her crown may be, she will lead us all to glory... To a brighter dawn, we shall carry on... Hail Edelgard!_ ”

“That’s enough, Dorothea. Please,” Edelgard says, her cheeks stained red; though she can’t get her eyes off her. “If you keep singing like that, you’ll awake everyone at the monastery.”

Edelgard’s suddenly hit by the beauty of the songstress. Sometimes she forgets until Dorothea smiles in a certain way, blows her a kiss, talks about something she’s passionate about. Sometimes Edelgard sees her and she _knows_ , she sees everything she wants to keep close for as long as fate allows – the way her eyelashes flutter, the curve of her neck, the bloom of her sweet lips, the tenderness of her hands.

“Maybe that’s a good thing. Everyone should listen to the tales of our beloved Emperor,” she winks at her, and Edelgard’s heart skips a beat. _She’ll be the death of me_ , she thinks. But then Dorothea shakes her head, her expression growing more serious. “Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to say. My point is, no one can’t deny we did many terrible, unforgivable things these past years. Your path is stained red, but so is ours. And we did all that to secure a better future, so whoever comes after us won’t need to suffer like we did. Wasn’t that our goal? To free this land and build a Fodlan where everyone can live happily?”

Edelgard nods, she tilts her head into the sound of her voice, drawn to it like the most charming melody.

“It was. It is. That’s the objective we should keep in our minds as of now, you’re right as ever,” Edelgard nods, eyes sparkling. She reaches up with her hands, cupping Dorothea’s face. She reminds her of a home she once had. Her hair falls messily over her shoulders and Edelgard resists the need to draw her fingers through it. _You’re everything_ , Edelgard wants to tell her. _Everything I’ve ever wanted_. “You’re such an extraordinary person, Dorothea.”

“My, Edie,” Dorothea blushes, stumbles over her breath. “What’s with this, all of a sudden?”

“It’s nothing,” Edelgard shakes her head, a shy smile curving her lips softly. “When I think of everything there is to do now, I feel both enthusiastic and overwhelmed. However, for the time being, I simply appreciate having you all to myself.”

“Edie…” Dorothea says, seeing Edelgard draw closer. She catches her wrist steadily. “If you keep teasing me, my heart might flutter its way out of my chest.”

Dorothea aims to keep her composure, tells herself to still herself before Edelgard digs too deep, unleashes everything she tried hard to bury. Edelgard sees this, sees the hesitation in her eyes, but she also knows the longing that hides underneath. She unravels all of it, instead. All the secrets, the darkness, and the scars – And she makes it beautiful.

“My dear Dorothea,” Edelgard says low, caressing Dorothea’s skin under her eye, careful as if she was a work of art. “The future is ours now, there’s nothing that – ”

Dorothea breaks apart.

“Wait, Edie,” she mumbles, stepping back all of a sudden.

Edelgard tilts her head, confused, hurt. “Is something wrong?”

“I don’t – I think we should stop doing this,” Dorothea is mildly surprised at her own words, but she doesn’t take them back. A sigh escapes her lips. “We have to put an end to… whatever this is.”

“How do you mean, Dorothea? Have I done something that upset you?” Edelgard says, aching to hold her again; the pain grows bolder as Dorothea takes another step back, away from her.

“No, that’s not it. You’re the sweetest, Edie. It’s just…” Another sigh. _I don’t have the right to say this to you_ , Dorothea thinks. She doesn’t tell her how she’s never stopped thinking about Edelgard cradling the professor in her arms since the day before, how her heart shatters at the thought. “You can stop pretending, now.”

“Pretending?” Edelgard mirrors, searches in her mind for any sign, any moment when things started to go wrong. She finds nothing. “I’m not sure I follow.”

“Please, don’t make this any more difficult than it already is. You’ve won the war. You’re the emperor. You could literally pick anyone in the world. Why would you…” Dorothea shakes her head – _I won’t shove my insecurities at her. She deserves better. Far better than this_. “How’s the professor doing?”

“The professor? I fail to see how she has any doing in this matter,” Edelgard frowns, her pulse quickening. “She’s alright; Linhardt is assuring that she has a successful recovery. It’s true that I feared the worst back in the battlefield when her heart showed no signs of beating; however, that must have been Rhea’s doing, for when the immaculate one fell, the professor lost her divine appearance and surrendered to a deep slumber. She should wake up any minute now.”

“I see,” She nods, eyes focusing on everything but Edelgard. “Then, there’s no need to pretend anymore, is it?”

Dorothea’s voice sounds dull, grey, devoided of any emotion. _Everything’s changed_ , Dorothea thinks. _In a split second, everything’s changed except the feelings I hide and bury in my heart_. _But Edelgard’s…_

“Please, speak clearly,” Edelgard begs, feels her heart shrink like it’s out of breath. “I don’t understand this sudden change of behavior.”

“Must I say everything you already know? It’s not me you want, Edie. It never has been,” Dorothea shakes her head, her heart pounding like there’s something trapped inside. “You’ve just accepted my love as a substitute during hardships when the professor wasn’t around, isn’t that right?”

Edelgard feels her hands shaking and looks at her – she stares, _stares_ like she isn’t really there, as if she was watching Dorothea perform in an opera and she’s in the front raw, trembling at her words.

“Nothing further from the truth!” Edelgard says. _This is wrong. This is all wrong_. “How can you possibly think – ”

“Listen to me, Edie. It’s okay, really. I’ve been aware of this for a long time, now,” her own words feel like stings of pain in her heart. She’s suspected it for quite some time, but she’s been okay giving her love to Edelgard for as long as she’s accepted it. Dorothea didn’t have much to offer in the first place, but having Edelgard return her affection was a blissful feeling she couldn’t let go of, not yet. But when she saw Edelgard cradling the professor after the battle, she understood she would never be enough. Not even close. “I won’t get in the way of your feelings for her. I just – I need this to stop now. I need _you_ to stop, or else I fear my heart won’t ever heal.”

“No, Dorothea, _you_ listen to me,” Edelgard grabs Dorothea by the wrists, tugs her in close, forcing her to look up like she owes her at least this much. “It’s true that I hold the professor in high regard. She has been an anchor at the start of my path, a beacon to follow in my darkness and, ultimately, the sword that fueled me to claim victory above our enemies.”

“Please, stop,” Dorothea looks away, eyes crystalline; her own heart feels jagged and pointy like a shattered mirror. “I don’t want to hear this.”

“But I don’t have that sort of strong feelings for her. Not the ones you’re thinking about,” Edelgard shakes her head, aching to hold her like before, with no doubts in between. “I deeply care for her, but for you – I _need_ you, Dorothea.”

Edelgard was the Flame Emperor; back at their school years, she fooled them all, Dorothea included. Still, she couldn’t find it in her heart to hate the Emperor; instead, she reached for her hand, opening up her alleys, tumbling down her icy walls – Dorothea finds her in the dark of the night mumbling words beyond meaning, ghosts of the past haunting her; but she gifts her with the most soothing words, the tender brush of her fingers on Edelgard’s skin chasing away the darkness, doesn’t leave until her words heal past wounds and a peaceful sleep finds them both together.

Dorothea lives in all her missing pieces, her dreams and hopes for the future. Edelgard can’t remember how it was before, can’t get enough of her light.

“You… _need_ me?” Dorothea whispers, troubled. She can’t phantom how the Emperor herself would need someone like her – _Why_ would she need someone like her. Edelgard sees her expression grow into a subtle confusion.

“I do,” Edelgard says, looking into her eyes like a lifeline, like there’s nothing else on the surface of the world. “The professor left. It was unfortunate and unwilling of her, but she left. Still you, Dorothea – You _stayed_. You chose to accompany me on my path that fated night at the Holy Mausoleum; and since then, you’ve been making the very same choice each passing day without falter. You’ve protected me countless of times, shielded me from my own terrors at night, stayed by me with the brightest of smiles,” Edelgard palms her cheek, thumb brushing softly the skin that meets her there. Dorothea’s bottom lip is red and swollen from how she’s held it between her teeth. “So long as I had you by my side, it never mattered how many enemies I encountered. You were all I needed – You _are_ all I need.”

“You can’t be serious,” Dorothea bites the inside of her cheek, fighting back the feelings that attempt to pour out. “Are you sure? You want to spend your life with… me?”

“I can’t think of anyone who would bring me the happiness you do,” Edelgard’s words are careful. Not because she’s scared of Dorothea running away, of wounds, but because she can only feel love when she finds her emerald gaze. “Please, believe me.”

“I’d love to believe your words with all my heart,” Dorothea hesitates, and it’s enough to incite Edelgard to worry. She knows how most of Dorothea’s personality is just big, shining acting. She thought she had made it pass that. “But it’s hard to wrap my head around the idea that someone like you would genuinely want to share their life with… well, someone like me.”

“How do you mean by that?” Edelgard frowns, gnawing at her bottom lip.

She hates that she understands what Dorothea isn’t saying. The idea that she doesn’t deserve her, that there’s some greater love waiting for Edelgard when it isn’t. _I don’t want anything else_ , Edelgard wants to say. _Nothing that isn’t you, and your love, and your touch_.

“Well, I’m not a songstress anymore. I don’t come from a noble family. I have no land to my name, no wealth, servants or grandiose accomplishments,” Dorothea brushes her hair from her face, tucks some brown locks behind her ear, wrapping her arms around herself in a hug. “I have nothing. What could I possibly offer to you?”

“I can see you are quite mistaken on the matter. You needn’t offer me a thing, Dorothea. Simply having you by my side is the greatest joy my heart can think of,” Edelgard smiles, too gentle and genuine to be the same emperor she is on the battlefield. _Let me in_ , she thinks. _Let me prove how much I mean my every word_. She doesn’t have hidden spots in her heart, nothing that Dorothea hasn’t seen yet. “Of course, if I am overstepping any boundary here, I ask for your forgiveness. I’d understand if there is another person you’d rather – ”

“No!” Dorothea cuts her mid-phrase, curls up a little. “No, Edie. If this is how you truly feel, then yes. Yes! I love you madly and I’d be happy to marry you!”

 _Maybe this is what love is supposed to be_ , Dorothea thinks. _It overflows in my heart and there’s no room for anything else – anything that isn’t her_.

“Yes?” Edelgard smiles, a little surprised by her words but overflowing with glee. “I have been waiting for the right moment to express my feelings without any need for restrains. I longed to share my heart with you, now and forever, and you say you wished for the same. I can’t find words to say how delighted I am, this feeling… is overwhelming.”

“Does this mean I can call you ‘my beloved’ from now on? ‘My love’, perhaps? Even ‘darling’? Or maybe ‘my emperor’ would be more fitting?” Dorothea says, beaming with joy. “Oh, I starred in so many operas where I captured the heart of my beloved... But I never dreamed it would be this wonderful when it actually happened.”

When she’s excited, Dorothea’s smile blooms, her happiness bursts out of her like fireworks. She’s loud, touchy, she spins around and words flood from her like an endless waterfall. Edelgard loves it, all of it. Dorothea turns into the embodiment of a star; everyone’s eyes would focus on her. She can be messy, exaggerated and dramatic, but Edelgard swears there’s nothing brighter in this world, the reason why the universe spins and the sun shines every morning. _It’s you_ , Edelgard wants to say, _I swear you’re the compass that guides my every step_.

Tears start pouring down Dorothea’s cheeks, warm and thick like summer rain.

“What is it?” Edelgard worries, she holds her and Dorothea hides her eyes in the curve of Edelgard’s neck, nestles against her shoulder.

“Nothing, nothing. I’m sorry, I’m just too happy,” Dorothea smiles, her irises softer than the most peaceful forest on all of Fodland. Edelgard hears her words, feels stars scattered across the vault of her chest. “I can’t help but think of where I started, alone and hopeless in the streets of the capital. I was sure I’d die of starvation and there wouldn’t be anyone in the world to remember me. Even at the monastery, I felt that I’d live a miserable life. To think I’d ever feel this immense happiness, that I’d get to hold your hand and call you mine, it’s just – ”

“Worry not, my love,” Edelgard says, softly presses their temples together, and Dorothea swallows. “We’ll meet hardships on our way, but nothing that we can’t overcome together. This,” she says, referring to the way their hands are clasped together, “is something I won’t be letting go of. For now, and for as much time as my life grants me, I will remain by your side.”

Dorothea stares at her, the world going slower. Edelgard is beautiful, she thinks. But it’s more than that. It’s always been something more. She’s everything Dorothea had longed for, every good thing she’s chased for years in the wrong place. But now she’s here, fingers tangled and lives bound forever.

She stares, _stares_ , her eyes too focused on Edelgard’s lips. Her heart throbs, melts at how good it feels Edelgard’s jawline against the palm of her hand, lilac irises finding all her weak spots.

“ _I love you_ ,” she says, and before Edelgard can say it in return, Dorothea kisses her with all the love she holds in her heart.

Edelgard gives in to their kiss, defrosts in Dorothea’s hands. She kisses her back slower, deeper, feeling the brush of their lips and how her fingers quickly find Dorothea’s hair, the songstress’ arms curled around Edelgard’s waist.

“I – ” Edelgard bites her lip when they part to breathe, panting against her mouth, cheeks flushed and words struggling to leave her lips. “ _I love you too_.”

“Now… what?” Dorothea asks, smile growing wider at the thoughts that come. “We plan for our big wedding? We tell everyone about us? Oh, what will the professor say? She’s never been too good with understanding emotions. I wonder if the others would think this was long coming. Oh, I can't remember the last time I was this fired up!”

Edelgard giggles at her sight, her laugh throbbing low in her chest.

“Before we do all that,” Edelgard says, stepping back. “There are matters that still claim our attention. We must crush those who slither in the dark and restore peace and order cross Fodlan.”

“That’s true,” Dorothea nods, as if she just remembered something important. “After everything we’ve achieved so far, I can’t picture a future where we don’t succeed on this as well. I will fight by your side once more, Edie.”

“Thank you,” Edelgard smiles. “After that, the only thing that would be left for me to do is to find a suitable successor and hand over the reins of the Empire.”

“Wait, what?” Dorothea opens her eyes wide. “You intend to give up your crown?”

“I will simply entrust the power to someone I acknowledge as worthy, you needn’t worry,” Edelgard shakes her head. “I have been thinking about this for a long time, now. If the world I aim for comes to fruition, the future will have no need of emperors and nobles in time. After such a harsh war, you must understand I long for nothing more than to enjoy some peace and calm.”

“I understand,” Dorothea nods. “I will be with you every step of the way, Edie,” she promises.

“When all of that is done,” she blushes, a smile blossoms, paints the curve of Edelgard’s smile with hopeful colors. “It will be just the two of us.”

“I see,” Dorothea says, caressing Edelgard’s cheek. “Then I’ll wait, for as long as it takes. There’s nothing I’d like more than to start our life together in this future you’ve created.”

“When that happens,” Edelgard asks, placing the time to come in her hands, all the paths they’ve created. “What would you like to do? Is there anything special your heart desires?”

“Well, I can’t say there isn’t something I’d like to have,” Dorothea blushes.

“Then speak your mind. There’s no length I wouldn’t go to achieve your happiness, Dorothea.”

Edelgard stares at her with the same adoration from years before, the tenderness in her heart only growing day by day. It’s been five years. Edelgard can’t believe they still have their whole lives ahead.

“If I’m being honest… I would love to have a family someday,” Dorothea says, opens a new chapter on her book, witness how the world writes itself brand-new with every choice they make. “Back before the professor returned, I spent some months caring for the orphans near the monastery. I realized that, one day, I’d love to have children of my own; give them everything I didn’t have, you know?”

“You would make such a wonderful mother,” Edelgard kisses the palm of Dorothea’s hand, slightly calloused by the intense use of magic.

On the good days, Dorothea would giggle to Edelgard’s kisses there. On the bad days, she’d say how unfeminine her hands had become, how little she liked them. Edelgard loves them all the same, plants delicate kisses all over her palms at any chance she finds.

Dorothea stares at her as she does that, the moment too endearing, too sweet.

“What am I to you, Edie?” She asks, and Edelgard swears she remembers what she used to answer. Now, she knows she’ll never change her response again. Not ever.

The morning light peeks through the mountains above, but Edelgard would swear Dorothea’s smile could outshine even the sun. There are no fears and shadows, nothing to be scared of, not anymore.

“My beloved,” Edelgard doesn’t hesitate, lets her feelings settle between them. Dorothea’s fingers curl against her waist, bringing her close. She doesn’t mind being captive if it’s in Dorothea’s arms. “The light that lifted the darkness away, shining upon my life, ending the solitary reign of Edelgard. Only you, Dorothea, will always have a place in my heart.”

“I can already picture it. You and I, unaware of the world’s struggles, living in peace in a world where I can sing my love for your ears only,” Dorothea says softly, her smile blooming in the intimacy of the moment.

“I’d very much love to see such a bright future with you, Dorothea, “Edelgard says, “and the gift that is your smile, each and every day.”

“Each and every day, huh? Sounds like a happily ever after,” Dorothea smiles. “Then, I now pronounce these to be the first seconds of forever. What would you like to do with this gift?”

“I would love to kiss you again. And again,” Edelgard smiles as she leans in, addicted to Dorothea’s scent, her fluttering eyelashes, how her noses clumsily bump together before meeting her lips. She swears she’s exactly where she belongs – she’s _home_. “And again.”


End file.
